Hi There

11 Comments

Posted by Rebecca, April 2nd, 2013

It’s me.

I didn’t plan to formally say this, but I also didn’t plan to take a break for as long as I did. So, yeah I needed a blogging break.

I hate to bog you all down with the “I’m busy”, woe-is-blogger type of posts, but I also know that many of you can relate. I’ll start out by saying that being a working parent is hard, scratch that, being any parent is hard. Mommy guilt is a killer. I’ve said it before when my maternity leave ended and it’s gotten better in a lot of ways. But in many others ways, it’s still hard. This blog is one of those ways.

I still struggle with how to fit this blog into my “new” life. Don’t get me wrong, me, myself and I love everything about what I write here. I will always be watching HGTV, browsing Pinterest and coming up with things to change around our house. That is what I love to do in my spare time. The problem is that it’s not about me anymore.

I went down to part-time in about October, but I still work 30+ hours a week. Two weeks ago, I worked full-time for several days and it sucked. I don’t know how many of you do it. I don’t know how I did it for months. My longer working hours contributed to my break from here, as did some family commitments, technical issues, Easton not sleeping well for a few weeks and just being dang tired and it goes on and on. And repeat. You’ve heard it all before.

Truth is, about 3 Mondays ago I started my week as usual, checked my blog stats and started to plan out my projects and posts for the week.

Monday: Photograph weekend project before Easton goes to bed but not after his dinner or when he’s in clingy meltdown mode

Tuesday: After bedtime edit and upload photos, hoping computer cooperates and doesn’t continually freeze, write post

Wednesday: Work on new project after bedtime

Thursday: Photograph, upload and post? Eh I’m short a day here

Friday: Collapse.

Saturday/Sunday: Scope out new project and work on it during naps/bedtime

As I planned out my week, I got mad at myself for not accomplishing enough over the weekend. “I should have painted x!” “Why haven’t we finished the office?” “We need to get those shelves up!”. I stopped myself for a minute. What the hell am I doing?

I wish this blog was my job, but it’s not. I would love to work hard enough that it is my job, but I know that idea is far fetched. I don’t want this blog (or reading other blogs) to make me feel like I’m not good enough– not working hard enough, not crafty enough, not organized enough. I started to feel like that, so I needed to step back.

This blog is fun for me and if it ever gets to feel like work, I need to step back and take a deep breath. My time with Easton when I get home from work is for Easton. I didn’t go down to part-time to blog or for projects. My weekends are for Easton, not for this blog or projects. If some weekends I have loads of energy and I’m inspired to get things done, then great! If some weekends I just want to take a nap with Easton, then I can’t get mad at myself. Easier said than done, but I am trying.

I’d rather give you posts that I am proud of than posts I threw together because I was tired…or because I had a great weekend with Mike and Easton…or because I was busy rolling around on the playroom floor when I should have been photographing in natural light.

When I had this discussion with Mike a few weeks ago, I asked him why I should keep blogging. His response was a) because you like it and and b) because some day, when we look back, we’ve created an amazing journal. Maybe I don’t post 6 days a week like I did when I first started (say whaaa?), but just like real life, this blog has peaks and valleys. Lately, more valleys than peaks, that’s okay with me. And that’s all it has to be.

photo

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11 Responses to “Hi There”

  1. Emily says:

    Well said! I agree- if blogging isn’t your full time job, then you should do it when you want to do it, not because you feel like you have to do it. That’s where I’m at right now too. Our little ones are only little for a short period of time and it goes by so quickly- enjoy that time with your little guy and husband first, and blog if you feel like it. And house projects can wait too- don’t wear yourself out!! I feel like I need to constantly remind myself of this too :)

  2. Emily says:

    Ha, two Emilys in a row! I just wanted to say I read your blog and check in nearly every day to see if you have a new post but I have never ever been disappointed or frustrated when you don’t. I have a 22-month old ball of energy boy and another on the way and am a full-time working mom. When I come home, I just want to play in his world and experience everything he’s learning. I’ll share quick moments on Instagram or through a text but that is really all the time I am willing to give. We do “us” – fixing up our old house, taking trips, etc, but it is for us. I, too, felt guilty about all the time I have taken from others, but I realize, and try to always keep in mind, that my memories and my future are going to center around these tiny moments. You have made a beautiful sweet baby boy and I hope you enjoy every minute you have with him!

  3. Even us bloggers who are not parents {yet} feel the way you do! Working full-time, spending time with loved ones, just taking time to unplug can get in the way of blogging. After our reno calmed down and it was time to focus on the design aspect of everything, I realized I didn’t have much to post to keep up a regular schedule. And I’d get burnt out and need to take a break. I’d hate doing that, and felt like I wasn’t able to keep up with the Jones’…but then I made myself take a step back. I had to remember that I started this to keep in touch with our family as we took on a the biggest thing we’d ever faced…and because it turned out to be really fun, and introduced me to a ton of new “friends”. So at the end of the day, if I only have something worthwhile to post once a month, than that’s when I will. No more guilt! You deserve that too. We’ll all be here when you want to check in and write. :)

  4. Do what you need to do lady. Little Easton is what’s important! Plus more rare posts will make them even more special :)

    Just keep those nightly Easton Instagrams coming and I’m happy ;)

  5. I agree with Gabbi. I don’t even have kiddos and I feel the same way you do sometimes. When blogging feels like I am forcing myself…I just brush it away and blog another day instead.
    I am trying to become more organized with blogging and taking it as baby steps, project and photos one day, write it up another etc. It helps so much.
    I also just want to veg out sometimes with the husband and dog, or clean the house!

  6. Christine says:

    I so totally agree with you about the mommy guilt.

    It is ever so hard to work full time, parent, and still have time left over. It was the reason I gave up skiing after the kids came. I felt bad leaving them to go skiing after being gone all week. The Mr contined to be willing to take off for another day away from our kids, but that mama’s need to be with our kids prevented me from doing it. They are now teenagers and I still want to hang out with them all of the time.

    Becoming a parent especially that first one, makes us all re-evaluate our priorities. Blog when you can or want to. We will understand.

    Ps. I am glad you checked in. I was starting to get worried that something had happened to one of you.

  7. Joan says:

    Hi Rebecca…Little Easton is just beautiful! Congratulations! I just have gotten into Pinterest and saw the pics of your cement/wood looking back patio. It is really stunning! I had wanted to have pavers put down, but then heard the price and almost fell over when I learned of how expensive they were. I see you live in NJ. I am in Central NY. My first concern was wondering whether or not over time the cement would crack w/the change in temperatures. Also, would you say it is more or less expensive than pavers?

    This is the first time I’ve ever written to a blog…it is very cool.

    Joan

  8. I completely understand how you feel. I have been through similiar emotions and turmoil since getting pregnant Jan 2012. Now I have a 2 yrs old and a 4 month old (as well as bonus kids 10 and 13 with us half the time)…I just don’t have enough of myself to go around if I blog right now. I, too, love it and miss it. The internet isn’t going anywhere, and you have loyal readers who will keep you on the list of blogs to check in on. :) Enjoy these young years, they pass far too quickly and once they are gone, there are no do overs.

    P.S. Easton is adorable!!

  9. Annabel Vita says:

    We’ll be here whenever you blog! I think some of the best blogs are ones that rarely update. You snuggle that baby while he’s still tiny, we’ll be here!

  10. nicole says:

    I can’t imagine blogging as often once our kiddie arrives. Hell, I stopped blogging about our house just because it wasn’t fun for me anymore. Adding that on top of having a baby, I can’t even imagine. :) Though now that we finally have some exciting things going on in our life, I’m pumped about blogging again. I even got a new look for it and that helped so much! I’m glad you are putting family first. I’ll be excited to see whatever you post, whenever that may be! :)

  11. Brittney says:

    I feel you girl! I don’t even know where the day goes and blogging has definitely fallen to the end of my to-do list. I just post when I have time and try not to feel bad about it!

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