I didn’t plan to formally say this, but I also didn’t plan to take a break for as long as I did. So, yeah I needed a blogging break.
I hate to bog you all down with the “I’m busy”, woe-is-blogger type of posts, but I also know that many of you can relate. I’ll start out by saying that being a working parent is hard, scratch that, being any parent is hard. Mommy guilt is a killer. I’ve said it before when my maternity leave ended and it’s gotten better in a lot of ways. But in many others ways, it’s still hard. This blog is one of those ways.
I still struggle with how to fit this blog into my “new” life. Don’t get me wrong, me, myself and I love everything about what I write here. I will always be watching HGTV, browsing Pinterest and coming up with things to change around our house. That is what I love to do in my spare time. The problem is that it’s not about me anymore.
I went down to part-time in about October, but I still work 30+ hours a week. Two weeks ago, I worked full-time for several days and it sucked. I don’t know how many of you do it. I don’t know how I did it for months. My longer working hours contributed to my break from here, as did some family commitments, technical issues, Easton not sleeping well for a few weeks and just being dang tired and it goes on and on. And repeat. You’ve heard it all before.
Truth is, about 3 Mondays ago I started my week as usual, checked my blog stats and started to plan out my projects and posts for the week.
Monday: Photograph weekend project before Easton goes to bed but not after his dinner or when he’s in clingy meltdown mode
Tuesday: After bedtime edit and upload photos, hoping computer cooperates and doesn’t continually freeze, write post
Wednesday: Work on new project after bedtime
Thursday: Photograph, upload and post? Eh I’m short a day here
Saturday/Sunday: Scope out new project and work on it during naps/bedtime
As I planned out my week, I got mad at myself for not accomplishing enough over the weekend. “I should have painted x!” “Why haven’t we finished the office?” “We need to get those shelves up!”. I stopped myself for a minute. What the hell am I doing?
I wish this blog was my job, but it’s not. I would love to work hard enough that it is my job, but I know that idea is far fetched. I don’t want this blog (or reading other blogs) to make me feel like I’m not good enough– not working hard enough, not crafty enough, not organized enough. I started to feel like that, so I needed to step back.
This blog is fun for me and if it ever gets to feel like work, I need to step back and take a deep breath. My time with Easton when I get home from work is for Easton. I didn’t go down to part-time to blog or for projects. My weekends are for Easton, not for this blog or projects. If some weekends I have loads of energy and I’m inspired to get things done, then great! If some weekends I just want to take a nap with Easton, then I can’t get mad at myself. Easier said than done, but I am trying.
I’d rather give you posts that I am proud of than posts I threw together because I was tired…or because I had a great weekend with Mike and Easton…or because I was busy rolling around on the playroom floor when I should have been photographing in natural light.
When I had this discussion with Mike a few weeks ago, I asked him why I should keep blogging. His response was a) because you like it and and b) because some day, when we look back, we’ve created an amazing journal. Maybe I don’t post 6 days a week like I did when I first started (say whaaa?), but just like real life, this blog has peaks and valleys. Lately, more valleys than peaks, that’s okay with me. And that’s all it has to be.